Sunday, June 19, 2011

You Are Beautiful

My dear friend,
You are beautiful.
You didn’t see the way
That guy who passed you
Turned his head
To look at you
But I did.
I saw him glance back
To take an extra look
At you
You’re beautiful.

Don’t walk that way,
Slouched over,
Head down,
Eyes glancing nervously
Afraid of the world
Jumping at the slightest movement.
Walk proud with confidence
Because you have so much to be confident about.
And you’re not fat, so stop asking me if you are.
No, you’re not a size 0 or a size 2
But you are not fat
And you don’t need to be either of those sizes
To be beautiful.

So don’t let that guy
Who you thought was perfect
Who didn’t want to date you
Get to you.
He doesn’t know what he is missing
His saying no to you
Is his loss.
He doesn’t know how smart and wonderful and caring you are
What a loyal, dedicated friend you are.
If he would’ve asked me, I would’ve told him.

I would have told him how beautiful you are
But more importantly
How kind and sweet you are
How practical and thoughtful and determined you are
How you have the kind of smile that can brighten a room
How much fun it is just to be with you
How you make everyone around you laugh
If he knew all that,
He would not have rejected you.

Maybe he said no to dating you because
He was intimidated by how beautiful and smart you are
Or because he was blind and couldn’t see how wonderful you are
But he did not reject you
Because you are inadequate
Nor because you’re not good enough
Nor because you aren’t beautiful enough.
If he can’t recognize
What an amazing person you are
Then I don’t think that
He is good enough for you anyway.
Don’t let rejection get you down.

Because you, my friend,
Are beautiful.
You are beautiful on the outside
And you are beautiful on the inside
And nothing that anyone else says
Or does or thinks
Can take away
Your inherent value and worth
As an amazing human being.
Oh, my friend,
Please know,
You are beautiful.



  1. wow. That was a great poem. I can't explain it in words because I felt it with my heart. Thanks for sharing.

  2. Isn't a shame that guys don't see our friends through our eyes?! if they did they would never say no!

    But at that point, you dont wanna go out with a guy who cannot look past the number on the page.

  3. Today is definitely the age of insecurity. Those with wonderful personalities have no self-esteem, which is a terrible shame. We don't trust ourselves, and so do not trust anyone else.

    Rejection hurts, yes, and it can cause even the most secure to question themselves. But one can just boil it down to: he was, therefore, not my bashert. And I only want my bashert. So, "See ya."

  4. It's a shame we don't see ourselves through the eyes of others.

    Having a friend who cares to share how she (and the world) perceives you is beautiful. Your friend is lucky to have you as a friend!

  5. Altie- thanks, I am glad you enjoyed it!

    Aminspiration- yes, it is a real shame!

    Princess Lea- That is exactly my attitude as well. Rejection means he wasn't for me. Time to move on and let go.

    SiR- Thank you. I actually wrote this about a few friends- and I am lucky to have them!

  6. Great poem!
    @SIR- I find your comment ironic in a weird way. Seeing ourselves through the eyes of others rather than our own self-worth.

    As the only guy poster (so far) I do have to say that SternGrad is absolutely correct, but then again I have gone out with young women who could be described in the same way as the girl in the poem, yet still find them not for me. Same could be true about many of my friends. Great people, yet girls say no to them for also seemingly insignificant reasons

  7. Hey SG,

    So as you probably got from all the previous comments, you really have a talent. This poem really got to me and, with your permission, I'd like to make this into a song. I'm obviously not famous or anything but I'd like to start an internet program for frum girls who sing...would you be OK with me singing it? It's just so honest and true and beautiful...

    P.S. If I do, somehow, become famous for it, I'd most certainly credit you, pay you, etc anything you like :) (but I'll try not to get too ahead of myself here ;))

  8. Stern Grad, you're a wonderful writer. This is such a touching poem!
    Sun Inside Rain - so true. If we only saw ourselves in a more positive light!

    We're living in times where the media, and unfortunately, even certain frum people are so engrossed with gashmiut and unrealistic expectations.
    David Hamelech said it best -- "kol kvod Bat Melech penima!"
    (btw, there are guys who exist who think this way as well! I've met my fair share.)

  9. Harry-er: Exactly. Sometimes when girls get rejected we think it is because we're not pretty enough or good enough, but like you said- that is just not true. We shouldn't take it personally- like you said, sometimes the match is just not a good fit. And I agree that this does go both ways- sometimes my friends will say no to a guy and in my head I'll think "what in the world did they find wrong with him?"

    FeistyFrummy- thank you! Sure, you can definitely make a song out of it! I would love to hear the song if you'd like to send it to me!

    Sefardi Gal- thank you. and yes, we often have unrealistic expectations.

  10. Sterngrad: Nice post, but I take issue with one part of it.
    "If he can’t recognize
    What an amazing person you are
    Then I don’t think that
    He is good enough for you anyway."

    Give the guy more credit, just b/c he's saying no does not mean he's being a jerk. Even if your friend is as awesome as you think she is, that does not mean she is a good match for him. Nor does it mean that he thinks she's not pretty or not good enough, sometimes a shidduch is just not meant to be.

  11. I find your writing refreshing and you really hit the mark.

    Women should be self-assured and confident in their own worth, and if a guy can't appreciate her, it is unfortunate (for him).

    May we all find someone who appreciates us for who we are, and finds our beauty (not just the physical) stunning and worthwhile.

  12. BJG- point taken. I happen to agree with you. I tend to give most people the benefit of the doubt and assume that if they said no, then it is because they have a valid reason to think that the match is not going to work out. That was what I was saying in the lines:

    But he did not reject you
    Because you are inadequate
    Nor because you’re not good enough
    Nor because you aren’t beautiful enough.

    The point I was trying to make is that rejection shouldn't be taken personally. It just means it is not a good match for whatever reason. The key in the part you quoted though is the word "if." If a guy realizes that my friend is awesome, but says no because it is not gonna work, I get it. But sometimes certain guys have lots of choices of girls and compare all of them and will say no to a great girl, simply because there is another one who they think is "better." Not better for them, but "objectively" better. That line was directed at cases like that.

    Ish Yehudi- thank you! And thanks for your response post as well.
    "May we all find someone who appreciates us for who we are, and finds our beauty (not just the physical) stunning and worthwhile." Amen!!

  13. I hear you, I just don't like knowing that girls think I'm an idiot when I say no to them. I've been on the other side, I know it's not fun, but like you said you can't take it personally.

  14. BJG - in defense Sterngrad, this poem has a very specific focus/viewpoint of one dating girl talking to another who has just been rejected and is trying to console/encourage her friend. As offensive as it may sound, that's their perspective and the realm of emotions this poem was created in and lives in.

    You have every right as a reader to respond as you did, but their isn't a fault in the poem because of it. Sterngrad has, as many of the female respones have noted, captured a real essence of that raw emotion felt after a rejection. If anything, she's been even more successful by eliciting that sort of response from you, and hopefully other guys as well who will take the poem's lesson to heart and evaluate more before rejecting or at least being more aware of what happens when they reject.

  15. SoG: You're absolutely right, that's all I have to say :)

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