I thought I was being nice
Letting it go
Letting it pass
Not saying anything
Not nagging you about a detail
Putting my annoyance aside
It's no big deal.
This is for your benefit
So I don't hurt you
So I don't offend you
Avoiding confrontation
Forgiving just this once
and just this once
and just this once
But now I see
that I was actually being mean
Holding it in
Letting things build up
One small thing at a time
Bit by bit
Finding quiet, subtle ways to get back
Letting it eat at me
Letting it drive me crazy
Until one day
I explode
It all comes out of me
All those small things
are now one big deal
Just this once
Just this once
Is not just once
Not anymore
Now it's thousands of times.
Rage, anger,
frustration, annoyance
pour out of me
burst out of me
crawl out of me
Accusing you
Critisizing you
Scolding you
Demanding you change
Announcing your guilt
While you stare at me confused
Wondering what you did wrong
Where all this came from
You had no idea
What's going on
What is she talking about
Because I didn't tell you
Because I was trying to be nice
Because it wasn't a big deal
It really wasn't
Next time I will tell you
Though you'll look at me crazy
and tell me not to make a big deal
and insist it's just something small
Why do I need to nag you
I will say something
I will confront you
I will admit, "That bothers me."
To truly be nice
and save you from an explosion
that you don't deserve.
_
mmmmm, that painfully hit home...
ReplyDeleteWell written as always!
I am not the "build up till explode" type. I'm the "build up until develop an ulcer" type. I fear confrontation and will do nearly everything to avoid it.
ReplyDeleteBut I have been exploded at. And what frustrates me is that (1) most of the time it's not about me, but I'm the only sucker that can be exploded at and (2) that if it was about me, that it could have been dealt with beforehand with a casual comment that wouldn't even had to have been hurtful.
Shocked- thanks!
ReplyDeletePrincess Lea- you are quite right. It is never fair to the person being exploded at. Which is why it is important to not avoid confrontation when things are still in the early stage- like you said, better to go with a casual comment that won't even be hurtful.
Good one! I sent it to a friend who tends to do what you do. It's hard though, because on the one hand, you can't keep coming with all your ultra-sensitivities- that's not either fair- but the other option, holding it in, is a train wreck waiting to happen.
ReplyDeleteI really like this poem. Well written.
ReplyDeleteSiR- thanks for sharing! And you're right- it is important to find a balance.
ReplyDeleteAltie- thanks!
I'll admit I've exploded and been blown up. This can all too easily creep up on you in marriage, and it is definitely beneficial that you've learned your lesson beforehand. To everyone else: Read and re-read this, making sure to take its lessons to heart.
ReplyDeleteSoG- yes, this is an important message no matter what stage of life you are in, just in general for all types of relationships.
ReplyDeleteReally well expressed.
ReplyDeleteHa, im facing a similar situation but i've decided to confront, nicely, because otherwise, the day you explode, its coming out of nowhere, and totally unfair to the person.Plus it wont help, because when you explode you tend to loose some of your rational
This is me and totally spoke to me. What a great poem. I let things go, let things go, let things go and them there's the straw that breaks the camel's back and i'm like a lunatic. Unfortunately, it's my husband who is the recipient. I feel awful for a week afterwards and swear never to do it again. But I do.
ReplyDelete