Solely In Black and White posed the question in this post, “How do you know if you’ve found the right one?” Maybe I'm crazy, but I have this idea stuck in my head that when I meet the right person, I'm just going to *know.* I'll have some sort of feeling of "Yup! This is him!" A feeling of “There is something right about this. This is meant to be. This is the person I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with.” I might not have this feeling on the first date or the second date or even the third date, but fairly early on. Perhaps it's because I am spiritual-minded, but I think if two souls are meant to be together, shouldn't they sense it in some way, on some level?
People have told me that doesn't happen like that and I shouldn't expect to feel that way. They say you don't just *know* and it's a decision you have to make. You’ll never be 100% sure and at some point you just have to take the plunge. But for some reason I have this crazy idea in my head, I suppose because I am quick to develop strong gut feelings about people. I’ve met couples from both camps- those who claim that they “just knew” and those who weren’t 100% sure. I don't think this happens to everyone, but I think it will happen to me. Some people don’t know right away, and that’s OK, just for some reason I have this idea in my head that I will know.
A teacher of mine once said that some people know they’ve met the right person faster than others, and it depends on what type of person you are. She compared it to going clothes shopping. Some girls (and guys for that matter!) are the type to walk into a store and take forever to pick out an item to try on. Once they get to the dressing room they spend forever looking at themselves in the mirror trying to decide, "Do I like it? Maybe I do. Actually, no I don't. Should I get it? I don't know. What should I do? I kind of like it, but I kind of don't. Uch, I'll just get it! No, wait, maybe not!" Those types of girls should not expect making decisions to be any different when it comes to dating. It may take them some time to figure out if it's right or not. I, however, am part of the other category of girls. I walk into a store and within 2 seconds and a quick glance I can tell you if there is any possibility of whether I'll find something I like or not. When I try on an item, it usually takes me one glance in the mirror to know if I want to buy it or not. That's just how I am. I'm a fast shopper.
Let me just clarify that this does not mean I intend to get engaged after a week or only a few dates. Just because I think I *know* pretty fast, doesn't mean that I want to necessarily want to jump into marriage that fast. Even if I *know* it's the right person, I'll still want to spend time getting to know the person before I agree to spend the whole rest of my life with them. The "I *know*" feeling isn't enough to base a big decision on, and it could be wrong. I definitely think I could have that “I *know*” feeling with someone who turns out not to be the right person. Going back to my puzzle piece theory, (that everyone has a limited number of people out there who they could marry. That number is greater than 1, but less than, say, 10) it could happen with one of those people who has the potential to be marriage material, but the circumstances aren’t right. But I still think it will happen with the right person.
Ironically, I’m posting this because I’m very open to being proven wrong. I think it would be completely OK if when I meet the right person I completely don’t know at all. I’m ready to stand up and say “Remember back when I was young and naïve and had this crazy romantic idealistic idea? Well, real life isn’t like that.” I’m ready to jump aboard the ship of those who claim such a feeling is unreal and is just a crazy dream. I’m ready to be proven wrong- I’ll be equally happy if I can proclaim, “See?! I told you I would just *know*!” or if I proclaim, “Silly me! Look how wrong I was!”
Yet, it’s one of those ideas that I have in my head. That I’m just gonna *know,* I’m just going to know.
Food for thought: How do you think you’ll know when you met the right person?
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ReplyDeleteI hope that doesn't happen to me- that I thing I know and get proved wrong. But it definitely could happen. Maybe you'll be surprised!
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ReplyDeleteMy shopping style is very detailed. One of my established premises are: if I'm not gaga about it, don't buy it.
ReplyDeleteSomething can look wonderful on the hanger, and look absolutely blah after trying it on, or won't fit. Some are absolutely unassuming when plucked off the rack, yet look magnificent on.
It's all about the trying on, really. We can be teiched to: give things a chance.
I don't think the feeling of "knowing" who "the one" is something applicable across the board as a standard sense of absolute feeling or knowledge. It DOES vary per person, and I've heard a number of married couples express this - often with wives or husbands saying that they *knew* very early on and just waited for their significant other to develop the requisite feelings. Only then could they both decide without doubt, that they had found their future spouse.
ReplyDeleteI have been thinking about this quite a bit as of late, and will hopefully have a post about it in the not-too-distant future...
BJG- I meant maybe you'll just know when you meet the right one, despite the past. Maybe you thought you knew, but when you meet the real right person your knowledge will be on a deeper level that you didn't know existed.
ReplyDeleteBookworm- I like your expansion of the shopping mashal. :)
Shades of Grey- yes, it certainly does vary depending on the person. In fact I think the majority of people don't have this feeling of just knowing, they make a choice and take the plunge. I just think I'll be part of the select few who do know. Looking forward to reading your post.
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ReplyDeleteIt's something I just know. :) Just kidding.
ReplyDeleteThe optimistic side of me would like to say that I think I'll just know because I've always been the type of person who knows what they want, so I think it should be pretty easy for me to recognize it when I see it.
The cynical side of me says that's ridiculous and that it's because I've been the victim of too many disney movies as a child which have brainwashed me with unrealistic expectations about romance and love.
But like always, I try not to turn cynical. :)